Relations depend on communication

Any successful relationship requires good communication between all parties.
It depends on honesty, transparency & perseverance .. Specially between engaged or married couples ..

Small World: Don't Let the Storms of Life Wash Your Marriage Aw...

Small World: Don't Let the Storms of Life Wash Your Marriage Aw...:

 In this lifetime, we will all face challenges and storms — it's a part of the journey. Jesus acknowledged this reality when He was talk...

Don't Let the Storms of Life Wash Your Marriage Away

In this lifetime, we will all face challenges and storms — it's a part of the journey. Jesus acknowledged this reality when He was talking with His disciples before the Crucifixion. He clarified for them,        " I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation.   But take heart; I have overcome the world"     

(John 16:33 ) ... .. ... cont.

Now don't get me wrong, I believe that marriage is the greatest gift God ever gave my husband, Greg, and me. However, there are days, weeks and even months of challenges that come with this gift. Over the past 25 years, Greg and I have faced health challenges, repeated moves, seasons of conflict, the stress of completing graduate school — and the list goes on. How about you? ...  .. ... cont.

As human beings, we don't have to go looking for difficult seasons because they seem to find us all on their own. However, as believers we need to recognize that we have an enemy, Satan, who has calculated plans to destroy the unity in our marriage.. ... .. .cont. 

Facing the storms of life together
How does any married couple face challenges together? Regardless of where you are in your marriage journey or what issues come your way, here are few tips to help keep you united through the storms of life:
         
          Acknowledge that life will always have challenges.   There is something powerful about simply acknowledging that there will be challenges in this lifetime. Yes, you will struggle. Yes, you will have emotions of grief and sadness. But .. .... ..cont.
            Recognize the real enemy. Often when a crisis hits, couples will begin to view each other as the problem or the cause of the storm. The truth is that the real enemy, Satan, wants to divide you from your spouse because .. ... ..cont.


Please continue reading full subject on :  Focus on The Family (Storms of life) ..

فى مدرسة الزواج ..

           الجزء الثانى ..

         الزواج مثل أي علاقة أخرى يحتاج حتى يكون ناجحًا ومثمرًا لتقييم ما يؤثر فيه بالسلب أو الإيجاب.. وربما أكثر ما يؤثر بالسلب على زواجنا هو أننا لا نحاول بجدية فهم الآخر. ولأننا نصمت عما يضايقنا يتكون بالتدريج لدينا قائمة جامدة من المقاييس للسلوكيات التي نُصدر بناءً عليها أحكامنا بدون أن نفكر في الأسباب، أو فيما تُعبر عنه هذه التصرفات. «مَنْ يكتم خطاياه لا ينجح، ومَنْ يقر بها ويتركها يرحم» (أمثال ٢٨: ١٣)... .. ..  

         لماذا «نكتم» ما نشعر به ولا نصرح بصدق عما يضايقنا؟ ببساطة لأننا نتعامل مع الأمور بحساسية غير مبررة. الغريب أن أغلبنا يستطيع أن يتعامل مع الاختلاف في العمل بموضوعية، لكن في البيت تؤخذ الأمور على محمل شخصي! ولماذا لا «نقر» بأننا أخطأنا عندما يحدث هذا؟ ... ....  .... 

         مثل أي زوجين، تشكلت علاقتي مع زوجتي منذ بدايتها بالصعب وبالسهل، وكان علينا أن نصارع أحيانًا مع تحدي أن نظل أوفياء لعهد زواجنا بالرغم من اختلافاتنا. لقد اختبرنا مرارًا ما يعنيه قول سليمان الحكيم: «الحديد يَصقل الحديد، وكذلك العشرة بين الناس… الوجه في الماء يتراءى للوجه، وكذلك قلب الإنسان للإنسان» (أمثال ٢٧: ١٧ و١٩ الترجمة العربية المشتركة).. ... ... 

         تعلمت من زوجتي أن الغضب هو من المشاعر التي تُخيف المرأة؛ لذلك فهي عادة لا تشعر بالراحة أن تشارك بما يدور في داخلها من مشاعر وأفكار إذا رأت أن هذا سيُغضب رجلها! «إذًا يا إخوتي الأحباء، ليكن كل إنسان (زوج أو زوجة) مسرعا في الاستماع (لشريك حياته)، مبطئا في التكلم (عند الحوار معًا)، مبطئا في الغضب (إذا سمع أو رأى ما لا يعجبه)؛ لأن غضب الإنسان لا يصنع بر اللـه (أو يحقق قصده العظيم من الزواج)» (رسالة يعقوب ١: ١٩ و ٢٠)... ... ... ..

         تعلمنا أن السخرية لا تشجع على التواصل الفعال بيننا، حتى ولو كانت على سبيل الفكاهة وخفة الدم.. عبارات مثل: ”هي عادتنا ولا هنشتريها“.. ”اقلب القدرة على فمها تلاقي البنت زي أمها“.. ”إللي بيخلف ما بيموتش“ عندما يُقصد بها التهكم على تصرفات أو طريقة تفكير الآخر، فإنها .... .. ... ..

        

       رجاء متابعة الموضوع بالكامل على ..  مدرسة الزواج 

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Small World: Types of communication to strengthen Relation

Small World: Types of communication to strengthen Relation:

           In Marriage, as in any other relation, how to communicate & listen to understand your partner, friend, or colleague requires time & a...

Types of communication to strengthen Relation

In Marriage, as in any other relation, how to communicate & listen to understand your partner, friend, or colleague requires time & effort PLUS WILL ..

Different styles are required in our relations specially marriage ..

     

                                          Please continue reading here ..Types of communication

Small World: مدرسة الزواج ..

Small World: مدرسة الزواج ..: فى مدرسة الزواج تعلمت...  الجزء الأول ..    تعلمت أن السعادة لا يمكن أن تكون البرهان الوحيد على نجاح الزواج! «لقمة يابسة ومعها سلامة...

مدرسة الزواج ..

فى مدرسة الزواج تعلمت... 

الجزء الأول ..

   تعلمت أن السعادة لا يمكن أن تكون البرهان الوحيد على نجاح الزواج! «لقمة يابسة ومعها سلامة خير من بيت ملآن ذبائح مع خصام» (أمثال ١٧: ١). إذا كانت السعادة هي كل ما نرجوه في زواجنا سنعيش حياتنا ونحن نظن أننا فشلنا في تحقيقها. اللـه يعدنا بالسلام والحب والمغفرة، وبألا يتخلى عنا في أوقات الضيق، لكنه لم يعدنا بالسعادة المستمرة. فهمنا لهذه الحقيقة يجعلنا قادرين على تحمل المتاعب والأحزان، ويقوينا لنختبر المعنى الحقيقي للسعادة.
 

    تعلمت أن العلاقة الزوجية، مثل كل العلاقات الإنسانية، مهمة صعبة.. فلم نفاجأ منذ بداية زواجنا أن علاقتنا تحتاج لعمل جاد، ولم نظن أن دوام الزواج هبة نضمنها لأنفسنا بلا تعب؛ بل كان علينا أن نعمل بجد لنجنيها! الزواج مثل ملكوت اللـه له طبيعة زراعية.. يحتاج لوقت ورعاية حتى ينضج ويثمر، ويفشل متى تعاملنا معه بالمفهوم الميكانيكي السريع للبيئة ....    

                   رجاء متابعة الموضوع :    مدرسة الزواج 1  

Small World: Small World: Who is silent is forgotten...

Small World: Small World: Who is silent is forgotten...: Small World: Who is silent is forgotten... :  " He who is silent is forgotten. Who does not advance falls back. Who stops is distanc...

Want a happier marriage ?

As we talked, a question suddenly popped into my brain. Impulsively, I turned to Erin and blurted out: "On a scale from one to 10, how would you rate our marriage?"

I smiled as I asked. I smiled with love, with affection … and with the knowledge it was going to be a very high score. How could it not be? The sunset. The water. We're celebrating 25 years of marriage. I knew Erin would look deep into my eyes and say, "A 12, Greg. And every day is better than the last."

Erin turned to me and said, "Well, I'd give it a solid six or seven."

I was dumbstruck. Really? A six or seven? That didn't sound too solid to me. Get a six out of 10 on a high-school math quiz and you fail.

"Well," I said sarcastically, "I guess I'll try over the next 25 years to raise that to a 6.5!"

The challenge of accepting influence

Accepting your spouse's honest feedback can be difficult. I know it's hard for me. I spent far more time that evening disputing her "six or seven" score than I should have, debating why our marriage is really at least an eight. Probably higher. But could I listen? Was I in a place where I could accept my wife's influence? Apparently not.

I asked for an honest answer, but when it wasn't the answer I wanted to hear, I pushed back. Like Jack Nicholson said in that movie A Few Good Men, I couldn't handle the truth.

Psychologist John Gottman is about the best marriage researcher on the planet. When he does a study, it's worth taking note. Gottman and his colleagues followed 130 newlywed couples for six years to find what marriages succeeded and why. Turns out, happy, stable marriages had one thing in common: The husband was willing to accept his wife's influence. In contrast, when husbands responded to their wives' complaints by stonewalling or belittling them, the marriage was almost sure to fail: More than four-fifths of those relationships — 81 percent — fell apart.

That's an astounding statistic — one worth paying attention to. But what does that mean, "accepting your wife's influence"? I wasn't sure that I knew. So I explored that dynamic, asking Erin and other wives just what it meant to them.

I learned something revelatory: When your wife says there's something wrong with your marriage, guess what, there's probably something wrong with your marriage. And for the sake of that marriage, a husband would do well to listen.

Recognize your wife's ability to gauge the health of your marriage

Women tend to understand the nuances of relationships better than men. Neurophysiologists from Stanford found that women catch subliminal messages faster and more accurately. They're more in touch with (and willing to discuss) their feelings. They're better at reading nonverbal cues, everything from facial expressions, tone of voice and body language. "Women's intuition" may feel like a cliché, but there's a lot of truth to it.

      My father, Gary Smalley, used to say that a woman has a "built-in marriage manual." Intuitively, she knows what she needs, what the relationship needs, and often has some good ideas on how to fix it. But you know what else she needs? A husband who has the courage to ask her to share that manual with him.

My question to Erin wasn't a bad one. It's good to ask your wife how she'd rate your marriage. Just be prepared for an all-too-honest answer.

Seek her input

Husbands are supposed to lead the family. But husbands can forget how important it is to get input and advice from their wives.

The Bible's pretty clear that that's exactly what we need to do. Consider Philippians 2:4: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Or Proverbs 15:22: “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”

And when husbands listen to their wives, they should not belittle them or respond defensively. Husbands need to recognize and appreciate their wives' perspective and be open to their ideas, desires and even criticism. Just listening and honoring her perspective paves the way for more productive, loving conversation. It conveys that you respect her thoughts, that her opinions are valued and that what your wife wants is really important to you. And she, in turn, will feel like you value her, and that her ideas are worth consideration.

Make decisions together

Yes, husbands should listen to their wives, but husbands should also share the decision-making process. Ephesians 5:21 tells us about the importance of "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." In 1 Corinthians 1:10 (NIV), Paul writes, “I appeal to you … in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

Sweep aside the pride

So, why would a man reject his wife's influence? Part of it is insecurity. He may fear a loss of power. He doesn't want to be controlled. Maybe he feels that, by listening, he's failing at leading.

But the opposite is true. When a husband listens to his wife and accepts her influence, he's more likely to win the right to influence his wife in turn — that is, to lead her. You're not losing control by asking for and allowing input. Remember, a smart leader recognizes the strengths and talents of his team.

Dr. Gottman doesn't let wives completely off the hook. Women who couched their complaints in a gentle and soothing way — even using a little humor to diffuse any potential defensiveness — were more likely to have happy marriages than those who were more belligerent. It's important that a wife learn how to communicate a sensitive issue that gives her the best chance of being heard and accepted. Timing's critical, too. Ask your husband if "now's a good time" to talk about it. And if it's not, ask him when would be better.

And make sure that, when you talk about the issue, whatever it is, you make him feel that he's still loved and appreciated. Communicate to him that you're happy, but this one little thing could still make a huge difference — take the marriage from good to great. Or, in Erin's and my case, from a six to an eight.

Dr. Greg Smalley is vice president of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family and the author or co-author of several books, includingCrazy Little Thing Called Marriage.

How strong is your marriage? Find out today with the Focus on Marriage Assessment. This reliable assessment is based on the research and experience of Focus on the Family's marriage experts Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley. Take this free assessment now. 

             Article copied from  :  Focus on the Family

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/strengthening-your-marriage/husbands-want-a-better-marriage-listen-to-your-wives